Why is it so hard to ask for help?
In Episode 02 of the podcast, Lindsey Hamilton, who is the Head of Mental Conditioning at IMG Academy discussed that the most successful young athletes demonstrate the skill of resourcefulness. Being resourceful means not only knowing where to find a resource, but knowing how to ask for help from that resource. Link to full Episode 02: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-freshman-foundation-podcast/id1554156653?i=1000509706880
Asking for help is hard. Many people - adults and young people alike - don’t like to ask for help because it requires vulnerability. We don’t want to seem weak or incompetent to our coaches, partners, and families. However, the most successful performers in sport and life, know where to get help and how to get it.
In Episode 50, I will explore why it’s so hard to ask for help. My own experience has been that trying to navigate challenging life transitions alone often leads to pain and suboptimal outcomes.
Stanford researchers has found that children as young as seven years old identify asking for help in front of others as a sign of incompetence.
Link to Scientific American article: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-kids-are-afraid-to-ask-for-help/
Vulnerability by Bruk et al. (2018) as “an authentic and intentional willingness to be open to uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure in social situations in spite of fears” (p. 192).
Vulnerability requires that an individual is taking action of their own volition, having the option to take an emotional risk or not (Bruk et al.) Asking a coach or a teammate for help getting better at their sport might be an example of demonstrating vulnerability in this context.
“One immediate benefit of self-disclosure is more enjoyment of social interactions” (Bruk et al., p. 193).
Self-disclosure often results in better mental health - and thus, better performance (Bruk et al).
“When revealing personal information, individuals are prone to worry about negative evaluations, rejection, alienating the other person, losing self-esteem and control over the situation, or giving the other person information that could be used against them” (Bruk et al, p. 193).
General fear of a negative evaluation of others (i.e., fear of being judged).
Link to full article by Bruk and colleagues: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-34832-002
What are the 3 simple things I want you to take away from this episode?
- We usually think asking for help looks worse than those we are asking for help. Coaches and parents are there to help. Take advantage of it.
- We are always being judged whether you realize it or not. Ask for help to lighten the load so that you can perform freely.
- You don’t have to be bad to get better - thank you, Lindsey Hamilton. Look for the resources that will give you an edge and practice finding them and asking for help.
References
Bruk, A., Scholl, S.G., & Bless H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self-other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115(2), 192-205.